Good Morning - Tuesday, March 25th: I’m trying to research my parlays for March Madness and everyone keeps talking about the new basement they found in the pyramids. I say DIG THEM UP. Might find some really old records and photo albums.

This weeks grind:

• Coffee Pockets are Light: begging for help on coffee imports

• Excelsa: The other other coffee bean

• Just the Clips: Faces with names. Who we don’t look like.

FREE THE BEANS

The Cost of Coffee is Too Dang High

Here in ’Merica, we drink more coffee than any other country in the world. But outside of Hawaii (which produces around 11.5 million pounds a year), we don’t have vast coffee farms. Even those Hawaiian farms are seeing a drop in production thanks to coffee berry borer beetles, fungal diseases like coffee leaf rust, and more. Our only real way to keep coffee in our kitchens? Import it from all over the globe. (Check out the Swiss, deep in the coffee game—probably needed to diversify from their massive hot chocolate exports.)

The folks over at the NCA are stepping in to help keep our costs from skyrocketing.

The National Coffee Association (NCA) is sending a very caffeinated plea to the U.S. government: please don’t mess with our beans. In a letter to the current administration, the NCA argued that coffee should be exempt from new tariffs, warning that current duties on imports from Canada and Mexico could push U.S. coffee prices up by as much as 50%. Bill Murray (not that Bill Murray), the NCA’s president, stressed that there’s no real alternative to imported coffee—so slapping on tariffs won’t magically create a booming domestic coffee farm scene.

And this isn’t just about your morning fix—it’s a $343 billion industry that touches everything from importers to baristas, and it relies on a North American supply chain that spans the U.S., Canada, and Mexico.

Here’s the kicker: most coffee is already excluded from the USMCA free trade deal, meaning it’s primed to get caught in this tariff web. That includes imports from heavy-hitters like Brazil and Colombia—major suppliers for the U.S., which happens to be the biggest coffee consumer on the planet. If tariffs extend to those countries, expect even wilder price spikes and more chaos in the market. In fact, traders are already twitching—wholesale prices topped $4 a pound in February, partly because of this looming threat.

I’m not turning to mushroom coffee. Tea? Kindly… no. We’ll keep an eye on this one. Just ordered two bags from Ultimo Coffee (Philly roaster)—$21 for a 12oz bag. We’ve got to get this under control so we can stay locked into the caffeinated lifestyle we’ve all grown used to!

COFFEE NEWS

Arabica, Robusta…Excelsa?

Don’t feel left out if you haven’t heard of this rare coffee bean making its way into cups across the U.S. Excelsa is a distinct species of coffee—not a variety of Arabica or Robusta—though it’s often lumped under the Coffea libericaumbrella (they're closely related). It accounts for a tiny sliver of global coffee production—less than 1%—so it's a bit of a hidden gem. Grown mainly in Southeast Asia, especially Vietnam and the Philippines, it thrives at lower altitudes and is pretty hardy, making it valuable in certain climates.

What does it taste like? No clue—I haven’t had it. But the internet tells me: “Excelsa is a flavor chameleon.” It’s got this wild contrast of fruity and tart top notes with deep, dark roasty undertones. Imagine cherry cola mixed with dark chocolate vibes—it’s bright and tangy, but somehow also smoky and mysterious. Think of it as a blend in a single bean.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a bag from a roaster tell me one of the tasting notes is “mystery”. Everything I read says this bean has a lower natural caffeine. So if you’re looking for natural flavor without the jolt, this might be your bag. You’ll get a full review of the taste because while writing this I found Excelsa Coffee and picked up a bag. I’ll have to share a bit with Coffee McGregger to get his feedback on this one.

JUST THE CLIPS

JTD Podcast: Famous Faces

The JTD podcast is coming back very soon. Coffee McGregger is putting the finishing touches on the studio, and we’re gonna be back. Above is a clip where the two of us discuss the horrible comparisons people have made between us and certain celebrities. Just awful takes—people tossing their opinions around like balled-up dirty socks, not caring who they hit.

Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the chaos, caffeine, and questionable celebrity lookalikes. It’s gonna be a ride.

Random Wakeups

• Beantown Blowout Celtics Sale: Majority stake sells for $6.1Bz

• A Moment of Searing: RIP Mr Foreman. May your grills live on.

• Update Zillow: The Pyramids just added a bunch of square footage!

• Turn off the Chubby Filter: TikTok removes the big bone’ded filter.

• Tiger Says “This is the One”: Nothing says True Love like a social media post